Relationships

Red Flag Banner

The Women's Center uses the Red Flag Campaign to educate the university community regarding healthy vs. unhealthy relationships.

Learn more about the Red Flag Campaign by visiting their website.


Getting Help

If any of these things are happening to you in your relationship, talk to someone to learn more about dating violence. It may be time to seriously evaluate the safety in your relationship.

You Do Have Choices.

Making decisions about relationships can be a difficult struggle. It can be the most dangerous time for women when leaving an abusive relationship, so it is very important to plan for safety.

It is a good idea to find people in your community who understand abuse and can help you make a plan for staying safe. Call any of the following offices for help.

On Campus:

Counseling Center 270-809-6851

Women's Center 270-809-3140

Murray State Police Department 270-809-2222

 

Merryman House Domestic Violence Center

24 Hour Crisis Line 1-800-585-2686

If you are not sure about the resources in your community, call the Kentucky Domestic Violence Association at 502-695-2444 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.


 

You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:

  • Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you
  • Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive
  • Tries to isolate you from family or friends
  • Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with
  • Does not want you to work
  • Controls finances or refuses to share money
  • Punishes you by withholding affection
  • Expects you to ask permission
  • Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets
  • Humiliates you in any way

You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:

  • Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.)
  • Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you
  • Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place
  • Scared you by driving recklessly
  • Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you
  • Forced you to leave your home
  • Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving
  • Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention
  • Hurt your children
  • Used physical force in sexual situations

You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:

  • Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles
  • Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships
  • Wants you to dress in a sexual way
  • Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names
  • Forces or manipulates you into to having sex or performing sexual acts
  • Holds you down during sex
  • Demands sex when you’re were sick, tired or after hurting you
  • Hurts you with weapons or objects during sex
  • Involves other people in sexual activities with you against your will
  • Ignores your feelings regarding sex

How can I help a friend or family member who is being abused?

Don’t be afraid to let him or her know that you are concerned for their safety. Help your friend or family member recognize the abuse. Tell him or her you see what is going on and that you want to help. Help them recognize that what is happening is not “normal” and that they deserve a healthy, non-violent relationship.

Acknowledge that he or she is in a very difficult and scary situation. Let your friend or family member know that the abuse is not their fault. Reassure him or her that they are not alone and that there is help and support out there.

Be supportive. Listen to your friend or family member. Remember that it may be difficult for him or her to talk about the abuse. Let him or her know that you are available to help whenever they may need it. What they need most is someone who will believe and listen to them.

Be non-judgmental. Respect your friend or family member’s decisions. There are many reasons why victims stay in abusive relationships. He or she may leave and return to the relationship many times. Do not criticize his or her decisions or try to guilt them. He or she will need your support even more during those times.

Encourage him or her to participate in activities outside of the relationship with friends and family.

If he or she ends the relationship, continue to be supportive of them. Even though the relationship was abusive, your friend or family member may still feel sad and lonely once it is over. He or she will need time to mourn the loss of the relationship and will especially need your support at that time.

Help him or her to develop a safety plan.

Encourage him or her to talk to people who can provide help and guidance. Find a local domestic violence agency that provides counseling or support groups. Offer to go with him or her to talk to family and friends. If he or she has to go to the police, court or a lawyer, offer to go along for moral support.

Remember that you cannot “rescue” him or her. Although it is difficult to see someone you care about get hurt, ultimately the person getting hurt has to be the one to decide that they want to do something about it. It’s important for you to support him or her and help them find a way to safety and peace.

Information Obtained from the National Domestic Violence Hotline

http://www.thehotline.org/

Please call the 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224 to discuss your concerns and questions.